Best Gentle Parenting Books of 2023
From dealing with C-PTSD to parenting with empathy, the following list of best gentle parenting books has what you need!
I was recently asked about my growth into the aspiring gentle parent that I am today. Specifically, I was asked what all I had done to help with this journey of self-improvement. My approach to intrapersonal growth has certainly been a multi-faceted one. The very first step, however, was to admit that I had a problem.
My underlying anger and simmering rage were turning me into a real Mamasaurass. I felt like an out-of-control monster, while also feeling completely powerless to do anything about the trajectory I was on. My self-loathing was at an all-time high, especially as a parent. It seemed like I was on a path to becoming exactly who I didn’t want to emulate: my mother.
Wake-Up Call
Nathan has told me that’s maybe too harsh to compare myself to her, but I know I had everyone walking on eggshells there for a while. Even when I wasn’t reactive, even when I wouldn’t say anything at all, the tension was palpable. I was a dark, little, rain cloud, and I. was. miserable. with. myself.
I know God really got a hold of me July 2022. Told me to pull my head out of my butt and step up to be a good mother. Especially to my stepson Coen. A year ago, he was definitely the child I struggled with raising the most. I have some theories about that…but in truth, none of my excuses mattered. I’m his Mama, and I needed to do better.
Exercise to Exorcise
Exercise and physical activity have been MASSIVE grounding forces for me. With complex PTSD, there’s something vitally empowering about taking control of your own body, challenging yourself to overcome what you think you can tolerate and realizing you can achieve more than you thought possible.
Between that and the endorphins released during intense exercise, maintaining consistent workouts during the week helps keep me balanced. When I have parenting rage built up, or I’m stressed and anxious, or I’m hit by the grief of being No Contact, exercise brings me back to earth.
Shady Shrinks
But self-accountability and working out aren’t the whole story for me. I needed insightful advice, edifying, experiential wisdom, and evidence-based practice without seeing a therapist.
Maybe a professional would be helpful in the future. Someone to help maintain my mental gains or bring to the surface repressed memories that I need to work through. Here are a couple of helpful IG accounts that I follow in the mean time that specialize in C-PTSD issues: @patrickteahantherapy and @nate_postlethwait.
That being said, Nathan and I have some very deep, personal wounds and betrayals involving therapists that have grown deep roots of mistrust for us.
Books it is then!
Best Gentle Parenting Books
Gentle parenting books have been validating in so many ways. They’ve given me a constructive roadmap for mindfulness, patience, compassion, and growth into the Mamasaur that I most want to be. Gentle parenting books have shown me that I do have significant power to elicit change. Not only in myself but also in my family.
And in the past year alone, applying the things that I’ve learned, the knowledge that I’ve gained, has demonstrated massive transformation within all of us and our relationships.
I’ve decided to compile a helpful list here of some of the best gentle parenting books that I’ve read (or am in the process of reading) as a resource for people going through something similar.
Side Note
I should preface the first section of my list. I’m a firm believer that you can’t work on your parenting if you don’t first work on yourself. If they taught me one useful thing in nursing school it was that you can’t take care of someone else if you don’t take care of yourself.
If your tank is empty, how do you fill up someone else’s cup?
I knew I desperately needed to come to terms with how my complex PTSD was affecting me as a parent. I needed to address how the generational trauma was seething into my everyday interactions with my family. These are the books I started with:
For Dealing With C-PTSD Prior to Gentle Parenting Work
Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members: Tools to Maintain Boundaries, Deal with Criticism, and Heal from Shame After Ties Have Been Cut by Sherrie Campbell, PhD
The Body Keeps The Score – Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving – A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma by Pete Walker
This next book bridges the gap between dealing with your own bad parents while learning to be a good enough parent. I found great value in this title:
For Integrating Trauma While Learning About Gentle Parenting
Parenting Well After Childhood Abuse – Be a Great Parent Even if Yours Were Crap by Geanne Meta
Which brings me to the gentle parenting meat of the list. These are books that specifically pertain to moving forward and cycle-breaking through my own parenting.
Best Gentle Parenting Books for Parenting with Empathy
Raising Good Humans – A Mindful Guide to Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE
Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Dr. Becky Kennedy
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber and Julie King, et al.
No-Drama Discipline – The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.
The Whole-Brain Child – 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D.
This list of best gentle parenting books is in no way exhaustive. It’s really just the beginning of the journey for me. Therefore, I have a bonus list of additional resources. I really want to read these in the near future to further bolster my knowledge and application of gentle parenting.
Additional Resources for Gentle Parenting
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, et al.
- How to Talk When Kids Won’t Listen: Whining, Fighting, Meltdowns, Defiance, and Other Challenges of Childhood by Joanna Faber and Julie King
- Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
- Thy Rod and Thy Staff, They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy by Samuel Martin
- Break Free from Reactive Parenting: Gentle-Parenting Tips, Self-Regulation Strategies, and Kid-Friendly Activities for Creating a Calm and Happy Home by Laura Linn Knight
- The Gentle Parenting Book: How to Raise Calmer, Happier Children from Birth to Seven by Sarah Ockwell-Smith
- Gentle Discipline: Using Emotional Connection – Not Punishment – to Raise Confident, Capable Kids by Sarah Ockwell-Smith
- Positive Parenting for Toddlers: Effective Discipline Strategies to Calm the Chaos, Create Deeper Connections, and Raise Confident, Responsible, and Respectful Humans Without Losing Your Cool by Alma Aldrich
- The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
- There’s No Such Thing as Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom’s Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids by Linda Akeson McGurk
- The Strong-Willed Mama: Surviving and Thriving Raising Strong-Willed Children by Tami Overhauser
- Finding Your Calm: A Responsive Parent’s Guide to Self-Regulation and Co-Regulation by J. Milburn
I provided links for the paperback versions of these books; however, I highly recommend getting an Audible subscription and/or a Kindle Paperwhite. We’re aiming for more minimalism, even though I’ve always enjoyed reading from printed text, and I’ve grown to LOVE my Kindle. And nothing beats Audible when you’re a busy parent without the luxury of sitting down with a good book.
Any parenting books you’ve read that you’ve absolutely loved and recommend? Any books on my list that you’re going to check out? I want to know! Reach out, and tell me in the comments!