Parenting Truth: Growing So Our Kids Can
The truth about parenting no one tells you is the amount of necessary self-expansion that you have to undergo to raise little humans well. I really used to wonder at the idea, conceptually, how much work truly goes into being a parent and ask “How could I possibly be expected to raise a family when I can barely care for myself?”.
It’s days like today where that really rings true for me thematically.
Man, I struggle with social anxiety, and really, just anxiety in general. But, as a mother of three, I don’t have the luxury of settling deep into my comfort zone. Sorry, guys, I’m anxious. I’m a worrier, so y’all just have to miss out.
I mean, I could selfishly put my own “needs” before those of my children, but then I wouldn’t really be meeting the bare minimum bar of parenthood. Because, another parenting truth, staying in my comfort zone isn’t a need. And in choosing that, I could never grow or set the example that I’d like for my children to emulate. To be bold. To be courageous in spite of fears.
The “Tooth” About Parenting
It’s such a silly thing, anxiety. I know that it can be debilitating for some, and I have been there, believe me. My postpartum anxiety was such that for newborn Nova’s first doctor’s appointment after going home from the hospital, I had a panic attack so severely about putting her little body in the car seat and driving that Nathan took one for the team and had me stay at home. However, my anxiety now? It verges more on making excuses for laziness and stagnation. There is a difference.
So, here’s the set-up: Orson’s pediatric dentist office, Treetop Pediatric Dentistry, was having a 10th “birthday party” for being in business for 10 years. I love the community outreach that so many businesses in New Braunfels try to undertake, I cannot state that enough, and places like Orson’s dentist just really go above and beyond. Highly recommend!
That being said, Treetop organized a party at which there would be delightful amenities: free cookies, cotton candy, animal balloons, even a foam bubble pit! I see events like this and initially think: yeah, that would be nice, maybe if I only had one toddler to chase around, but how could I possibly manage them both, by myself, while Nathan works?
Mama Fears
From there, my anxiety spirals. There are so many fun things they can miss out on if I’m too scared to even try. Missed out fun and parties. Minimal social interactions in general. But what if I go and one of them wanders out of sight, into the parking lot, in front of a moving vehicle, and ends up a splat on pavement? The intrusive thoughts and images that accompany fears like that are borderline unbearable…even the more basic anxieties, what if it’s super packed and I can’t even find parking? Maybe I shouldn’t even try to go…
Past a certain point, fear is just fear. Something that holds you back, potentially from something harmful, but maybe from wonderful memories that you could have missed for nothing. It really is hard taking a first step in anything for your children, but they are always the best motivation.
So what do I do? I told Orson about it. I hyped it up as good as any hype-girl could: so, umm, there’s this awesome party at your dentist’s office, and I hear they’re gonna have cookies, and cotton candy, oh, and umm, even balloons, yeah balloons! It’s gonna be awesome, and I could take you and your sister, if you want…
For the Kids and the Cookies
This piques his interest: “Party? Cookies!”. He’s totally into the idea, and now I’m trapped. And it’s so good, seeing his excitement. Heck yes, it’s hard to push past fears and anxieties and nervousness, but it’s so, so good…it’s good for personal growth, building self-confidence (which I desperately need as a parent), and it’s good modeling for your children.
So, they go down for their nap, I work out, shower, and then get them up. I’m a mediocre mama, so I know I should at least give them a cheese stick so that they have something on their stomachs before the sugar hits at the party. I load up their stroller wagon (personally, because I have to go through the motions to ensure I can fold this behemoth hell-wagon up properly and load it in the trunk right before attempting this journey), Nathan helps load them up, and I run a quick errand to Walmart.
Joy Over Fear
Literally the entire time we’re in Walmart, Orson is standing in the cart, repeating incessantly: “Party, party, party, party…”. He is unbelievably beside himself with excitement.
“What’s going to be at the party, Orson?”
“Cookies…balloons…candy…bubbles…”
Already a long story somewhat abridged, we went to the party. We had a lot of fun and made wonderful memories (that he repeated to us all evening). He was too anxious and scared of the bubbles to try to run out and play. And I understood that feeling of overwhelm all too well, so I told him so. Honestly. Humbly.
Another Truth About Parenting
Here’s a truth about parenting: It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to be overwhelmed. And it’s okay to be disappointed when you don’t rise to the occasion that being courageous would call you to (I could tell he was bummed, he wanted to go into the bubbles and play but couldn’t quite push himself past his own anxieties today).. Maybe now isn’t the time, but you’ll grow. You will learn to push yourself and be brave.
Mama is learning to be brave, too.