To Pee or Not to Pee
Orson is a little over 2-years-old now (28 months old, if you want to split hairs), and a couple of months ago, we decided to reattempt potty-training. I say reattempt because we went through this whole song and dance last year during the summer. Now, we find ourselves in potty training limbo, in the midst of a potty training power struggle.
I read a book talking about the three day potty-training method and thought, “Yeah! That sounds doable!” It really felt like a sweet spot of time for it, too. Nova wasn’t all that mobile at that point, so she felt somewhat manageable, and Coen was at his mom’s for the summer…surely I can devote the time to Orson that he needs to make this happen.
Umm, couple of issues with that plan. He was very speech-delayed. So it was far more elimination-communication based training than responding to any verbal request, which required an intense amount of helicopter focus. Learning his cues. Watching for when he showed interest in his potty chair. Etc.
Surprisingly, we made significant progress, and we had a lot of hope. Until his brother returned home which brought with it a massive regression. We tabled it shortly thereafter.
Couple months ago, out of a half-cocked, “while the crap’s hitting the fan, maybe we can get some in the potty, too” sort of masochism, I convinced Nathan that it was a good plan to just go ahead and try again with Orson.
Well That Didn’t Go as Planned
Curse you, Erikson! *shakes fist at sky*
For those of you who don’t know, Erik Erikson was this psychoanalyst who developed a pretty influential theory about the stages of psychosocial development (e.g. Trust vs Mistrust, etc). I won’t get nerdy here and bore you with all the details; it’s just crucial, I think, for understanding where Orson is at.
Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt. I am both loving and seriously hating this stage with a passion. He’s really becoming his own full-fledged little human, with his own personality…and will, and stubbornness, and independence…and autonomy. And while I think all of that is great, it also really SUCKS.
Do I want my son to feel confident and capable of doing big things when he’s determined he’s ready to do big things? Absolutely. Do I also want his cooperation? So freaking desperately. Because, the thing is, he’s shown that he’s capable of being potty-trained. It’s like he both is and isn’t potty-trained. And that. is. exasperating. We are in limbo.
Rebel Without a Cause
I mean, he can hold his pee for hours at a time (even when I’m holding no expectation that he will, while we’re out running errands), he can pee in his potty chair or even when standing up at the toilet, he can tell us “Potty!” and does everyday before naps and bedtime. And while we get him up out of his crib, he always tells us “Poopy” when his diaper needs changing…
But during the day, not only is there no communication about his needing to go, but when we give him reminders or prompting, he lets out a sad, little moan, says “No”, and proceeds to lay out flat, face-first on the hard floor. If I try to pick him up to physically place him on the potty? He goes LIMP and hops on his legs as though they’re made of squishy, cooked ramen. By then, of course, his pull-up is soaked…WHYYY??!
The Potty Training Power Struggle is Real
Because of the power struggle. I know he wants to be in charge of this process. But then I hear of little boys potty-training themselves at about 10 MONTHS YOUNGER than he is. Then that “Mom envy” and borderline resentment creeps in. Not of Orson, not even of the other child, just more of a whiny “Must be nice…” kind of frustration. Just being real, guys.
I spiral into wondering if I’m doing something wrong. Or if he’ll ever decide he’s developmentally ready. Have I praised him too much when he has gone potty (because apparently too much praise is a parenting cardinal sin)? Have I not praised him enough? Or relied too heavily on his goldfish cracker reward system (which, yes, again, I realize how many people will say that extrinsic motivators are a big no-no)?
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
I chose a different approach today. We went to Walmart, and I showed him a new potty-chair that I wanted us to try for him. This thing is actually kind of cute AF. It looks like an actual toilet, you can “flush” it, and it has a slot on the top of it for holding reading material. I thought it seemed right up Orson’s alley, as much as a practice commode can be up anyone’s alley. As I put it in the cart next to him, I realized how right I was.
He instantly connects and is excited about this potty. He loved testing out the flush lever the rest of the way through the store and was borderline distraught when I loaded it into the car trunk.
I Need to Break Free…from the Potty Training Power Struggle
Needless to say, this was a Mama win. There was only a single accident for the rest of the evening! I’m really hoping this gains us some traction in his training and breaks us out of the potty power struggle prison we’ve been stuck in for so long.