Nathan and I just celebrated our 4th Anniversary June 8th. With as much as we’ve packed into those 4 short years, it feels like it should be much longer…in a good way! In 4 years, we’ve experienced major ups and downs, high-highs, low-lows, losses, gains, adventures, and memories. And it’s wild to think…grand scheme of things, we might as well still be newlyweds!
That’s not to paint our relationship as though it doesn’t have flaws. We’re still learning about each other and growing and have interpersonal difficulties much like any other relationship. But we prioritize each other. We’re in this together, not opponents.
I was taught growing up that if you don’t yell and fight with your spouse, it’s indicative of a lack of passion in your marriage. There’s no spark, no fire, no communication. To the contrary, my relationship with Nathan provides me with peace, security, unconditional love, empathy, and patience that has fueled personal growth in me to be a better woman. And there’s no shortage of passion.
Why No Gifts?
So, why is it then, that 4 years into our full, happy marriage, my husband doesn’t buy me anniversary gifts? (To be fair, I don’t buy him any either.)
He’s a traditional minimalist. So am I.
We haaate “stuff”. To be more accurate, we may really love certain things, but we don’t like the accumulation of stuff that we know will have to be given away and minimized later when we move onto a sailboat and/or impair a tidy, day-to-day quality of life to which we’ve grown accustomed.
But in this consumer-run, materialistic society we find ourselves in, how can we celebrate our love for each other without buying gifts? By what fun, tangible, traditional ways can we mark the anniversary occasion that don’t involve sacrificing physical space?
Traditional Minimalist
I coin the term “traditional minimalist” to reference how we most enjoy celebrating our anniversaries. Traditional gift-giving in celebration of marital anniversaries originated during medieval times and became popularized during the Victorian era. Each year, there’s an overarching theme of what kind of gift to buy, symbolizing a characteristic of marriage.
Year one, paper. A blank slate, a brand new chapter that you, as a couple, are writing together. Year two, cotton. A stronger, more woven together connectivity in your relationship. You get the idea.
To be fair, for years 1 and 2, the gifts were more material. I bought Nathan a framed print (paper) that had our first dance song lyrics typed out in the shape of a heart, and since, for year 2, we were house-shopping and pregnant, we had a fancy dinner out and just splurged on some nice, new bedding (cotton). That being said, they were practical gifts.
Leather Play
Year 3 was a revelation. It really kicked off this commitment that we’ve made for our “traditional minimalist” anniversaries for the future. Hmm, leather. An anniversary involving leather…(get your mind out of the gutter). Leather…animal hide…cowhide…Ranch or farm, maybe? This word-association game really birthed the idea for us to celebrate our marriage in experiential ways.
It’s not even that we’re beholden to the traditional elements or themes themselves; however, the past 2 years, we’ve made it a point to stick to the brief and want to continue doing so. Why? Well, would renting an AirBnB on a farm typically appeal to us? Probably not. We could balk at the idea of doing something that doesn’t sound of interest to us, or we could say: hmm, that would really push us both out of our comfort zones, together.
What a fun adventure our anniversaries turn into! They’re memorable and out of the ordinary days that we look back on with fondness, having tried something different and enjoyed getting to know each other in a new way, in a new and unfamiliar setting.
We’re also big on documenting our experiences and outings, so the memories can live on and be replayed in a way that material possessions just can’t afford.
Play It Again, Sam…
And on that note, while my husband never buys me anniversary gifts, regardless of how we celebrate the year we’ve spent together, there’s one thing to which I always look forward with excitement! He composes an annual video for our anniversary that recaps all of our wonderful adventures and memories together. I watch these so many times over…and this year, after showing Year 4 to Orson and Nova, my boy sweetly requested “Again…” as soon as it ended.
You can watch it here.
Adventure is Out There!
Maybe gifts are your thing. Maybe the memory-making, out-of-the-box, self-challenge doesn’t appeal to you. But, if you’re like us, if you are a traditional minimalist that balks at the idea of always getting stuff and making basic reservations at the same restaurant every year till you die…if you want to see your spouse in a new way or learn something new together, give this a try for your next anniversary. Take an adventure!
Even if you have little kids, like us, take them with you! Make memories! For Year 4, for our “flower” anniversary, to celebrate our growth together as a family and in marriage, we took Orson and Nova with us to explore the San Antonio Botanical Garden. We all enjoyed it immensely, and had a wonderful outdoor outing that fit the brief and allowed us to reflect on the past year in a symbolic and deeply meaningful way. Of course, we still got a sitter when the babies were down and tried a restaurant we’d never been to before, Sylver Spoon Dinner Theatre. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
Be traditional minimalists like us, and never buy your spouse an anniversary gift again. They’ll thank you for it. We’re looking forward to Year 5: Wood. Again, get your mind out of the gutter!
